I work at a porn theater that also happens to be a private club. This means that people buy a ticket there and are free to do whatever the hell they want as long as it’s legal and consensual. You can jack off, get a blow job, have butt sex, whatever. We also have strippers on Tuesdays and Thursdays, female and male respectively. This means that we are the only place in Portland where you can watch strippers with your pants off.
When I started this job there were those who wanted me to start writing about the goings-on. I agreed that it would be entertaining.

I am also very lazy and am intermittently stricken with long bouts of apathy.

But, now I have acquired a second job which makes things a bit more interesting. I will probably have to write about it in order to stay a little grounded.

I just got a job at Oregon Funeral Service, Inc., which I will be working on my off days from The Jefferson Theater. So, when I’m not ushering people into the jack off room I’ll be picking their dead asses up and taking them to their final resting place.

You are here on Earth to jizz as much as possible, then you die. I’m here to help with both.